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Top Questions of our Time Series: Sex
Slam bam thank you Ma’am or Mr.? That’s some people’s method and it works for those who mutually agree they want a quick fix. But for most people this is not the method of choice. So, why is it that this is so prevalent? The reason for this could be that American culture is simply not accepting of sexuality in general and that is why sexuality leaks into what many consider to be ‘shadow’ areas, such as pornography, strip clubs, and prostitution. Carl Jung, one of the founding fathers of psychology, would definitely label sexuality as the shadow side of our culture. For most people who watch or visit these areas, it’s not something they discuss with their acquaintances or even their family and friends. In fact, the actual act of having sex with a person is not discussed too openly in our culture. Alfred Kinsey was one of the first and most famous people to openly discuss this cultural issue in public. Sure, sex is flashed in our faces on TV shows, movies, and advertisements, but few people actually openly discuss the act of having sex with another person.
For whatever reason that is, this is an article that is going to discuss one of the top questions of our time: What is a great way to have sex, even for those who are inhibited. I am going to explain a term, I am certain I am not the first to use it, or explain concepts like it, however, I have not seen the term before. That term is Mindful Sex. Mindful sex involves slightly slowing down in every aspect of the act of sex, from creating the setting, to the foreplay, to the actual act of sex, whatever you consider that to be. The following is the gist of it:
Setting:
This part is not necessary if the act of sex is spontaneous in any given moment. If it is not spontaneous, sometimes it is a good idea to set the setting. When creating the setting, whether you are lighting candles, putting on music, or preparing special lingerie, moving slightly slower than you usually would. As you move slower begin to pay attention to your senses. If you are lighting candles, notice what you are lighting it with, is it a match, a lighter? Notice what the flame looks like, how it moves, does the candle have a smell, if so, take a moment to inhale it. If you are setting up special lingerie, take a moment to feel the lingerie. Is it made of silk? How does the silk feel? Are you spraying perfume/cologne on it? Take an extra moment to inhale that. You get the idea, with anything you are doing, move slightly slower and take a moment to pay attention to what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and tasting. You do not need to think about any of this, just notice your sensations. If you notice you are thinking about something, notice that and then simply bring your attention back to what you are sensing. By moving slightly slower you have the opportunity to do this and in return make the process more meaningful and enjoyable.
Foreplay and Sex:
Some people consider foreplay to be sex, some consider intercourse to be sex. So I am putting them together because these ideas apply to both of them. There are many aspects to foreplay and sex and different people will have different variations on what they like. The tragedy of it all is that most people, having not felt free to discuss sex in public and they have only relied on what the media has influenced them to think about how sex should be. While they’ve had sex, they have never freely explored it on their own. Some people like to start out with oils and massage, some people like to start out with kissing all over the body, while others are into more fetish areas such as acting out a fantasy of being ruled over by a dominant figure of some kind (e.g., dominatrix). As far as fetish goes, this goes as far as our imagination can take us.
As you practice Mindful Sex you will give yourself the chance to discover what it is that you really like and you will begin to feel more comfortable communicating that to whomever you are having sex with, even if that person is yourself (i.e., masturbation). Here is the gist:
As you begin to practice mindful sex, it is important to remember one thing: Whatever it is that you are doing, do it slightly slower than usual. This does not mean go in slow motion, it means just go slightly slower than you would think to go. As you move slightly slower, you give yourself the opportunity to really be there in that moment and notice things that you may not have noticed. If you are giving a massage, you get to feel how the person’s skin actually feels, is there a scent to the oil? If so, inhale it. If the oil is edible, take an extra moment to lick it and truly taste it in your mouth. Look over your partner and take a moment to take in all the little nuances of the person’s body. By slightly slowing down, you also allow yourself to relax a bit, and this not only helps in making this a richer experience, but also helps reduce anxiety if that is an issue (e.g., being overly sensitive or premature ejaculation).
You can apply this in every moment of sex that you find yourself in. For example, when you are giving oral sex, go slightly slower and notice the smell and taste involved, feel the texture of the other person, is it soft/rough? What does the person’s vagina or penis look like? As you go slightly slower you’ll find that it is not so difficult to notice these things and it will draw you deeper into the experience and give you the gift that you have not been privy to experience in the past.
Ofcourse, you can apply this to intercourse as well. No matter your gender or sexual orientation, there is often some sort of sexual intercourse involved. It is important to let your partner know that you want to go slightly slower this time in whatever way you feel comfortable communicating that. As the intercourse begins, notice the sensations you are feeling. All parts of you are experiencing sensations from your head to your penis or vagina to your feet. If you find yourself thinking about something, notice that you are thinking about something and gently bring yourself back to your sensations. If you find yourself judging your self or the other person, just notice that you are judging and gently bring yourself back to your sensations.
Gifts:
Paying attention to your sensations may also broaden your horizons on things you want to do. Maybe you notice that while having intercourse that you are not tasting anything so you decide to taste your partner by kissing or licking him/her. Maybe you want to smell your partner more to bring in that sensation. Maybe you open your ears and begin to hear what the sex you are having sounds like. Maybe you’re now noticing for the first time what other areas of your body are being touched during intercourse besides your penis, vagina, or nipples. You might just discover an erotic area of your body that you had not noticed before (e.g., back of the knees, toes).
Having mindful sex is simply a teaching and a suggestion. If a spontaneous act of aggressive sex comes out and it is not a slightly slowed down process, than that is Ok too. This is simply an opportunity to broaden your awareness about yourself during the act of sex and deepening the richness of your experience. Of all things we have to experiment with on this planet, this is surely one of the top. So, responsibly, go off and try this out, have fun, and broaden your horizons! You may just find that sex is a far more sensual and sacred experience than you had previously imagined.
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The Forest
As we drove farther into the outskirts of Augsburg, looking out placidly across the top of cars, houses, and at the dogs running about, I got thinking, thinking how I felt being with Chris, about Chris. It was like I was cast into a spell, an enchantment, or perhaps a curse; very seldom did I ever feel like this. Normally I would feel like this only if I was in the presence of a great person, like my karate instructor in San Francisco, Gosei Yamauchi, or his father ‘The Cat’ Gogan, who was one of the few 10th degree black belts in the world. Normally I’d be high the whole next day. With Chris I felt the same way I knew tomorrow I’d be high all day, it was a natural high.
Once—I can’t remember when—I had read something about the poet Emily Dickinson, she was something like a recluse, but she made a poem indicating nature was her high, and I always remember that. How true this can be, grabbing the moment and cherishing it, absorbing it as if there was no tomorrow, and at the same time absorbing nature: the sounds and the heart beat mother earth, and sky; others humans, and the dogs and birds, all such things that at that moment surround you; they are all somewhat magical. I was learning, how to be a listener if anything and it entailed all things within your presence.
Chris was fully alive now, as I turned my head towards her delectation her steering wheel facing me, at which made the moment a little more interesting, as she felt good about me checking her out; a weary kind of sense, not defeat, just a good profile look; I thought dimly in my mind as she drove mile after mile: how could she afford to look so prim and proper all the time. Do her hair in a unique style, not a hair out of place, so it seemed. I guess in our own way we are all unique, I heard that someone say that someplace, not sure where.
An hour and a half had passed on by and she was still driving, and it was getting dark. She pulled into a wooded area; she said it was the outer rim of the Black Forest (otherwise known as the Eyebrow of the Woods), I think I heard of that forest in a fairytale book or at least that is where my mind said I got it from. An enchanting name, I must had said it my second self, that little person inside of all of us that we talk to: Black Forest, Black Forest…!
“So you see,” said Chris “…here we are!” She added her conclusive little smile to her face as she said that; as we entered the dark huge green forest, parking the car a little off to the side of a dirt road that lead into the deeper and more distant part of the forest, partly covered by trees and bushes now.
There was a chill in the air so I rolled up the window, as she turned on the radio for some music.
Very quickly and carefully she moved her thin reserved neck and shoulders into my area, she just starred at me, as if she was going to eat me up; as her left arm was lowered, it pulled out a bottle of Mosel-Saar-Ruwer wine, 1965 wine, -- I looked the bottle over 9.5% volume; I knew they had been making wine around this intriguing river and hilly area for close to 1700-years. It was good wine I had tasted it before, not sweat or dry, flowerily white wine to be exact.
“Now,” said Chris indignantly, but with the air of a certain point, “…let’s see what we can do with this battle.
We started to drink and laugh.
“Ah, yes,” I said to her, “you have a lovely profile.” She smiled and threw her head back.
“Well,” I thought out loud “… this is a good way to pass the night away, and begin romantic indecencies”-- she leaned over the center-divider of the bucket seats to kiss me. She opened her mouth, sunk her lips on mine, as she pulled her long legs to the under-part of the dash, she then started to unzip her zipper to her boots.
“This,” commented Chris “passes everything…I never did it in a car before.” She had drunk down 1/5 of the wine like a person drinking water.
“Chick,” said Chris, ”…come over here.”
I moved my body closer to hers. Everything seemed to be in the way. I could not back out of whatever was going to happen; and I knew what was in the makings.
She was starting to stretch her hands out: --her blouse went over her head, I just kept looking as she started to strip, I was growing, getting as hard as a pencil.
“Oh, damn Chick,” said Chris heartily as she touched my item. Just her saying that aroused me; then pulling off her bra, and her skirt up I seemed to become tranquilized somehow, my mind slipped to King Solomon, of all things, as he once defined the beauty of a woman’s body and how it was to measured for one’s pleasure by enjoying it fully, and this was all I wanted to do now—enjoy it, and I think Chris was feeling the same way for even though we were both a bit on the tipsy side we were fully aware of our responses, I had lost complete focus of the uncomfortable situation, as she did…
◊…now that she was almost completely stripped only her panties on, she curled up in a fetus position holding her legs and leaning back, then opened up her legs slowly… I thought what every on earth possessed her, yet who can predict women I told myself, and started to take off my cloths, quickly…getting out of this spill of sorts. I guess it is true, men like to observe, and women like to touch. I liked both. This was not dirty sex, this was pure sex, at its height, one might even say, it was like a painting; she painted the picture, she taught me how to enjoy what she had to offer.
“I’m going to get it all off in a minute,” I said, it was difficult working in this cramped space… she chuckled, “Slowly please, I can wait…”she softly said as she rested her head back and I caught my breath, that is what she wanted, that is, for me to calm down, yet remain hard and possessed with her offering: I think we both had multiorgasms
“I feel fine now –“ I said, adding, “cramped but fine…☺”
Chris opened up her arms I couldn’t back away after that, could I?
I told myself: I have a private room at the barracks…. Then said it out loud to her:
“Of course, -- next time…” said she, and we continued to make love for the third orgasm for me, for her, perhaps five or six.
We seemed to flop around the front seat finding the right position…’she‘s looking at me eeeeeeeee’, I told myself, I’m cramped, nothing to grab a hold of, her head leaning against the glass of the window. Without a word we continued: --my body heavy onto hers, my heart beating two-hundred ticks a minute, we both were hot, enmeshed in the moment, a lustful, and burning moment; I wanted to open the door, but feared the light going on and someone would see us, plus the air was cool, too cool. I had no escape we met each other’s eyes as I penetrated her. She looked again deep into my eyes as she tried to catch her breath, to make sure I was still alive I think. It was seemingly unfair for me to put her through this I thought, but the thought only lasted a half second, I found myself exploding … as my heart dropped to my feet, and again, and again, I exploded and burned as if I had opened myself up to a volcano; I had learned at that moment, the difference between happiness and pressure: happiness was listening to her talk before, and then came her smile, now the pleasure, sex; I hurt, this had never happened before.
“Nice evening, isn’t it?” I said as I started pulling her body closer to me.
“I hope you are not offended I am taking the lead?” said Chris.
“Not at all,” I said, adding, “I’ll catch up.”
“There are times,” said Chris, “when rules are made to be broken like now, them...mmm damn silly rules…” she pulled herself up a bit, “I stopped believing in those rules… this is one of those moments I want to remember…remember for a long time, even after I am dead.”
As we tried to untwist our bodies, we caught ourselves laughing at our odd situation. We had made love, and became a little more sensitive with each other…a little more possessive of each other, I guess that is the nature of things in a relationship, they are made to progress, or stop, one or the other, and it was never to take place again in the front seat of a Mustang I knew….
She laid her cheek against my hand.
“Chick.”
“Yes?”
“You realize don’t you, this can’t end here?”
“There’s no reason for it to end, is there?”
“No.”
She spoke some German words I didn’t understand, German mingled with English I should say: then somehow, she went silent…maybe she was taking time to remember the moment, digesting it; I didn’t know, nor did I want to try to guess, I just looked at her, her smile it seemed to promise something, grace; instinct was in it also, around her small enclosed eyes, as they opened and shut slowly they were weaving a web I do believe, “It won’t end here, I promise.”
Pleasant and agreeable-like a well-cultured woman she was, maybe too much for me, she opened the door, and dressed quickly, then got back in.
“Want a cigarette?” I asked, sitting up straight.
“No and neither do you. We are both restless it seems. Come over to me,” she started kissing me.
As she released her lips from mine, she sat upright now, pulled out a cigarette, lit it and started blowing smoke rings into the air.
“You know perfectly well, I’m very much attracted to you…yoouuuu… right?”
“I hope so, I feel the some way.”
“Luckily the wine deadens the bruises (discoloration).” I commented, she laughed and kind of stretched her back to put it back in place…”Me to,” she replied.
“I wish all relationships could start like ours, it is like saying let’s drop all the game playing and pretend we are on the fifth date, and cut the crap; I like you Chick, I like you very much…”
“The bruises will show up tomorrow,” I told Chris.
Kind of saying maybe we should go, but neither one of us seemed to be all that bothered with that so we simply started kissing again after her cigarette brake…it was a long and needed pause for me, for a second breathe, a refractory period I needed [from uninterrupted sex]; that is, having multiple orgasms drains a man. I’ve learned also, women don’t need this rest period; so in time I’d learn how to last longer, and perhaps stretch the orgasms thinner but again, longer (three hours at the most; and I did).
I thought in my head, she was having sex with me, and then that rich boyfriend she had; she was getting her multiorgasmic pleasures indeed, perhaps a secret to some women, for once they discover this, it is hard for any man to keep up with them, lest he be a superman of sorts. I did not even at that young age have the capacity to pass six organisms; five was my limit I learned. I was limp now; my penis had been as pointed as a scorpions tail a while ago.
As scary as it started out for me I thought my reactions afterwards was cool, I seemed to be letting things take their natural course. It was a dark and colorless evening. Grossly romanticized in such an unimpressive way (so I thought in the back of my mind), yet Miss Chris was perfect.
I thought to myself: maybe she might be annoyed with my lovemaking… I guess every man wants to please the woman, wife, girlfriend, the one he is making love to, or should want to please her, but most don’t; how can they, they pop too quickly. This is a fact, I’ve talked to men, and when they say they go so quick, no woman could get it on in that time period. A woman taught me how to hold myself from climaxing too early, thus allowing the woman to catch up—and therefore, allowing my female mate to get it on and enjoy. I know this evening went a little fast, but Chris was modest about it, like that other woman who had taught me, helped me, to help her, so we both could enjoy each other more; as my slowing down kept my penis hard longer, allowing her pleasure zone to become wider. This was something of the case in hand, but not completely.
Most men think they make love better drinking, but it’s far from the truth. Most men do not know how to make love, no one taught them, so all they do is f*ck, and that is not love, that is, if anything, a quick climax, like eating a big fat burger, and wiping your mouth in its enjoyment and then leaving the café only to find out: you got indigestion, and had you went to a nicer restaurant, ate slower, you’d never forget the meal.
I have experimented with that theory, and it is nine-minutes verse four-hours, I say four hours, but I knew in my head it was only one time I lasted four hours, two and a half was the norm.
I was thinking now—as Chris kissed me—how I owe some women a bit of gratitude for allowing me to have my pleasure and not returning it to them; that’s the caretaker in a woman I think. But women just don’t know men can learn. And men are too bull-headed to let women teach them what pleases them. I had learned a good lover was worth his weight in gold and even maybe a little more: sometimes they can be irresistible.
One could hardly tell her it wasn’t hastily done, our sex (to me it was) for it was, but she seemed to understand the circumstances, and we need not prove anything today, only allow our bodies to be sanctioned to the other. So I think we both felt. Lovemaking would improve as time went on.
“I’m afraid my lover, we will have to find better accommodations next time,” Chris said, smiling at me.
“Yes,” I hesitated, “absently,” I hesitated-- “I feel the same way.”
“It’s a little hard in such a cramped car luckily we are both a little tipsy….”
“I’m afraid I’m not, somehow I sobered up when you took your blouse off.” She smiled, with a grin.
“Yes. I sense you have, do you really like me Chick?”
“You are growing on me. And what is there not to like?”
She was like a schoolgirl at times, needing to be encouraged, to grow up, and needed to be admired. But she didn’t need permission to live, she was taking that—but I’m learning to appreciate women more, I told myself, and it seems the more I show appreciation, the more they respect me, and to be quite frank with myself, I need respect. And why not … the world will give it, if you demand it, and if not, let that part of the world go; so my second self, my mind’s eye, told me.
But then as I looked at her, if she really felt she was on death row, with cancer, maybe I was just a remedy for a while, and if so, so what, maybe I needed a remedy to make it through my time here in Germany; so seemed just to me.
8
The Spider and
The Web
A warm-wind had picked up it seemed, and April and May in Germany was a paradise of light-cool sunrays, it was a spring never to forget, Chris and I were growing on one another, like white on rice. More community drinking fairs were picking up and Chris and I tried to make a few, drink it up and eat and just go with the flow; it was a good time for living.
Chris and I were known throughout the guardhouse-barracks as lovers and a heat wave at that. She seemed to have a charm with my soldier friends, and often drove her German boyfriend’s Mercedes car to the gate, and about, showing off kind of, not only to me, but it seemed at times going out of her way to show it to the other guards. Most of my friends thought she had two cars, I simply did not up date them, if they were not in my way of thinking or inner circle—why squander my time; and in most cases they didn’t have a need to know; but Ski and a few other of my friends knew the truth. I felt: plus, I felt: why not let Chris make an impression at the guard shacks, if it helps her ego so be it. I do not think I was envious, rather amused. I’m sure somewhere along the line I’d have to deal with envy, but who at my age is envious, for what, I have a lifetime to catch up.
She flirted with the guards, and they all thought it cool. At night, if I had to work, she would bring me by a sandwich while on duty; in one way she got the guys a little jealous, or in lack of a better word, annoyed. And sometimes she would simply walk into barracks, which had about fifteen-guards some running around half naked from the shower room to their room, while others went visiting. She’d come knocking on my door. She’d spend the night with me, it was an improvement from the car, and for some reason we only went over to her house once in the following two months. I knew we were not fooling anyone at the guard-barracks, but we pretended to be secret about it anyway.
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Natural penis enlargement exercises are a way to add permanent thickness and length to the penis. It is through these exercises that the penis becomes able to fill with more blood than before.
Natural enlargement exercise programs include a warm up, jelq session plus other exercises, and cool down routine. Penile exercises are an effective way to add permanent growth in a few months of regular practice.
How penis enlargement exercises work
The basic idea behind penis exercises is that your penis is currently limited in size. Your erections can only get so big because your penis can only fill with so much blood.
The penis has 2 large chambers, called the corpora cavernosa, which are made up of a spongy tissue. During an erection, this region of the penis fills with blood. To make erections happen, these tissues soak up the blood flowing into the penis. Exercises train these tissues to let more blood in, and this is what makes bigger erections possible.
Exercise techniques
A workout routine is made up of a basic exercise known as the jelq. It is a slow and rhythmic, light outward pull movement on the penis. Doing such manual exercises opens up more areas of the spongy penis tissue. This will allow the penis to fill with more blood.
There are many variations to the jelq and other exercises in any given program. The best way to move through an exercise program is to start with a short, few minute workout, and work your way to a longer one.
While adding size may be the main reason for starting an exercise program, a valuable technique used in many programs involves exercises targeting the PC muscle. This muscle needs to be toned and kept in shape to improve orgasms and ejaculations.
Exercises compared to other methods
Exercises can lead to more positive effects than that found with the use of weights or pumps. Where weights stretch the penis into a thin hot dog shape, exercises can expand both the girth (thickness) and the length.
The results from pumps can be good but they are only temporary. Some guys found other problems with pumps such as swelling, scarring, and dependence on the pump for any erection at all.
Newer methods of penis enlargement that include an exercise program are not painful and add permanent growth to the size of the penis.
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Sex is an important element of physical satisfaction for both men and women. Although men are more passionate towards sex, still some of them fail to satisfy their partner in bed. The unhealthy living trend prevailing in the present scenario has opened doors to many diseases. Erectile dysfunction is one among them. If you find it tough to have an erection during sex, you are definitely suffering from erectile dysfunction. Do not comprehend this illness as something abnormal. It can be easily cured. Levitra prescription can help you get complete sexual satisfaction.
Levitra prescription is a drug that has revolutionized the medical industry. It is used in the treatment of erectile dysfunction commonly known as impotence in men.
Levitra is the brand name for Vardenafil and is manufactured by Bayer. It works by blocking an enzyme called phosphodiesterase-5. Relaxing smooth muscles in the penis levitra increases the blood flow. Thus, it helps in achieving a natural erection.
One should take levitra prescription as advised by the doctor. It is usually given to those men who have attained the age of 18 years. Keep it away from the reach of children. Women should also not try to consume this medicine as the reaction in such a case is not known.
Usually one dose of levitra is taken in a day. Take each pill with a full glass of water. In case you miss a dose do not try to double it. Though the symptoms of overdose of levitra prescription is know still it is likely to cause chest pain, dizziness, an irregular heartbeat, abnormal vision, and swelling of the ankles or leg.
Your doctor may not allow you to take levitra prescription if you have liver or kidney problems, high blood pressure, stomach ulcer, blood clotting disorder or heart disease.
Precautions have to be taken while following levitra prescription plan. One is strictly restricted to consume any other drug used to treat erectile dysfunction while taking levitra. Do not try to take the medicine with grapefruit or grapefruit juice. An interaction of levitra with something other than water can be harmful for your health.
Levitra prescription can be availed from a physician. If you feel hesitant to discuss your problem with the doctor, you can buy levitra online. There are online pharmacies that can give you levitra prescription and that too from a licensed doctor. Simply fill in an online consultation form. The licensed physician will review your information. If he finds you medically fit to take the drug he will send you order for billing to the online pharmacy.
Erectile dysfunction can halt your sexual life. So, get your levitra prescription and share intimacy in bed.
